I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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