The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
