i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
