How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
