went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you never un-have a 4some
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
