Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My feet surprised me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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