My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Randomize
