Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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