i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
There are leaves in my underwear?
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