i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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