Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
