Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
