No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
