I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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