currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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