I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
