I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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