i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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