is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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