I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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