A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
