just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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