I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
