i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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