let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
