yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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