Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize