i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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