They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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