i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
