you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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