your parents love me but you hate me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
