well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize