he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize