My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
