After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
