my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
