Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
