I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
