The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
