It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
