Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
