oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
