he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize