girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
