I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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