Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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