Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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