lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize
