I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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