Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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