Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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