Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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