I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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