I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize