I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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