I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
