i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
