dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
