I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
