Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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