If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
