Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize