I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
