my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
