I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
