Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
