i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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