Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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