I want to stick my p in your. b.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
