Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
