I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I deserve this hangover.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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