I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
